It suddenly dawned on me today, that as I study for my last two finals and pack up my bags, right after I finish my finals tomorrow I am not only going to be done here, but I will be leaving less than 24 hours following that. I've been so caught up in this finals stress and so much else that I couldn't think about anything else except for just getting it done and over with. But now that I have less than 48 hours, a part of me doesn't want to leave. It's been a really difficult semester. One of the most stressful, mentally and emotionally challenging semesters. But even though it was difficult I'm so very thankful for each and every one of you that shared a part of this experience with me. You all taught me something new and shared with me different your perspectives. That's what this exchange thing is about, meeting new people, exchanging ideas and making connections in the hopes of the world becoming a better global community. Each time I travel I make the efforts to do such as there is always something more you can learn. I've learned a lot from all of you, and I'm gonna miss you all so so much. Actually realizing that I'm leaving in less than 48 hours makes my heart ache.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Monday, December 8, 2014
Walking Away More Flexible and Thankful
If there's anything I learned here, it's to go with the flow, be thankful, and that language is key and it can get you far. I mean I already knew that, which is why it is my goal to be able to speak five languages fluently before I die, but still. Not being able to speak Darija made me really dependent on people, which made me need to be flexible. So many things can happen out of your control, and unexpectedly, especially in Morocco since there is no sense of time here.
I came here promising myself to not have any international student friends because of the lack of the opportunity to have a host family. Realizing that Ifrane is Ifrane, and that it is a town not representative of the rest of Morocco, I had to travel on weekends. Yeah traveling is amazing, it's fun and wonderful to be able to see all these things. But that's just it, it's just seeing, not experiencing. And that is what I mean by when I say I've been so much happier in my last month here because I've been on my own, and have been experiencing more things. No matter if my friend group changed, or if my routine changed. It was all the same. The only difference was that I began to do more on my own.
It's the difference between just observing that the Moroccan tea is important, versus learning HOW to pour it, and HOW it's made. The difference between when I'm with other foreigners, Moroccans will make more of a conscious effort to speak English to us. But if it is just me, much more French and Darija goes flying around and across the room. I am by no means capable of speaking French or Darija fluently, but I've learned more words and been able to comprehend more in this past month than my entire semester here. You know why? Because I isolated myself. I took myself out of the problem that I saw myself in where I found myself stuck, and I continued my life in morocco as independently as possible that I, as a female and a foreigner, could.
That's another thing I've really learned to appreciate. My rights as a woman in the United States. Being here in Morocco I've really learned to appreciate my rights and what society says is "right versus wrong" in the States. There is so much pressure and judgement placed on women. It seems to be a two faced society struggling to meet in the middle between tradition and western globalization. Morocco is a religious country, meaning it's laws are based on the Quran. But at the same time, it's a country that is trying to move forward and become Westernized.
I really don't understand how they plan or expected this to work. Many parts of tradition put women on a pedestol but at the same time, the wealthy class here is educating their women and directing and training them to go into the business world, yet there is no business work opportunities for women here. Essentially they are preparing them to leave the country and go work in the Western countries. But still, as these women are born, raised, and grow up here, they are taught the laws and traditions of the Quran, but at the same time told to work (which is a male thing). In their education systems they are being put in a Western mindset, or at least that is what the university tries to do. But it's just like at my school, an "American" school. Students come here, and for many of them it's their first time on their own, so they go crazy. I mean, colleges in the United States are the same, but here it's to another level. I say this because children grow up being traditional, and the moment they come to live away from their parents, they can take off their veil and dress to the other extreme. I swear, in the beginning of the semester when it was still summer, I've never seen some women dress as revealing as I did here on my campus in Ifrane. More than even my own liberal arts college in the States. That really shocked me. And just like any other college students going to live away for their first time, students start drinking and smoking etc. The only difference is, that here it is illegal to smoke and drink. If you are a good Muslim, which everyone technically should be and Morocco's laws are religious laws, you should not be doing these things. However these things are accessible because Morocco does have tourists and they can't stop foreigners from getting these things if they want. But if a Moroccan gets caught with large portions of alcohol, he or she could get arrested. I've had to go with my Moroccan friends before to buy alcohol and carry it all myself, so that they would not get arrested. Ridiculous. It's a two faced society.
Men can sleep around, but noo the moment a woman does, society judges her and she denies that it happened, because "if her father found out he would kill her. If he found out she had a boyfriend he'd kill her". And often times women don't want to give in unless there is some form of security. So what is there? So many men end up agreeing to be in relationships and some even throwing out the words "I'll marry you one day" just so he can get in her pants. And women take these things seriously and sometimes believe it. Then they give it up, and they are immediately "A bad Muslim" and society judges them. So they deny it. A lot of things here in society contradict each other, where tradition meets Western globalization. It's a place that seems to be struggling with its own identity.
Does globalization mean losing a country's culture? This is an issue that I've never thought about because I've primarily traveled to Europe and parts of Asia, and within Canada and the States, where everything is Westernized. They are the definition of Western. And I realized that these places don't deal with the same issues that Morocco does, because firstly their laws are not religious, but mostly because being modern and western is part of their culture. Take the States for example, it is a new nation built from scratch. What culture did it even have to lose from the beginning? What tradition? I've never thought about this, but being here has really made me realize the effects of globalization.
What did I learn being here during my semester in Morocco? That I hate dependency. This exchange program at AUI is not a program where a lot of growing up is done. This is because AUI is "American" and is located in Ifrane where it snows and is isolated and is an open minded place. It is necessary to travel in order to see the "real" Morocco, promoting a touristy traveling study abroad experience. And in my opinion, that is not correct. A traveling study abroad experience is not studying abroad. You are just living here and being a tourist every time you travel and sight see.
When you study abroad you have a university as a home base. You have the opportunity to make friends that are local people, and you have the opportunity to put yourself in the middle of it, immerse yourself, and fully experience the culture of Morocco. Take advantage of that. Traveling every weekend is not experiencing anything, it's just being a tourist. Yes being a tourist can be fun and you do see a lot, but doesn't mean you learn anything, or comprehend it. It's like the tea. You can observe that it is important as people will serve it to you everywhere, but you don't understand it. Understanding it comes from immersing yourself and you would learn how it is made and how in Moroccan culture people were raised and taught how to pour it in a specific way to form the bubbles, You would even learn to pour it yourself.
This semester, despite my first rough two months, and despite the fact that I hate being a woman and a foreigner here (because that limits me and made me become dependent on so many people that I knew I could not depend on), I still learned a lot. Being dependent on Moroccans just because they are Moroccans and can speak the language or because some are men (good for safety), I learned to be flexible, because you should never rely on other people.But here in Morocco you really are a bit helpless if you are both a woman and a foreigner. You're stuck. Also people here have no sense of time and are terrible at planning things. So it was hard to depend for that reason as well. But I think the sense of time thing is just an all Mediterranean thing.
I've always generally been an independent person. I did not become more independent here. Morocco put me in the complete opposite situation and I learned to go with it. Having to rely on others especially when sometimes they were not reliable, I learned to just go with the flow more, and to not let disappointment get to me. Plans are just plans and things can change and you just go with it. Morocco has forced me to become more lax about everything because when you are forced to depend on a Moroccan because of a language barrier or just safety because I'm "weak and vulnerable" as a woman, you have absolutely no control of anything. I learned to not have any sense of control, and adjusted to it.
I already learned flexibility in Italy. I was in a new place on my own for a year in a place where hardly anyone spoke English and although being a woman in Italy doesn't really limit you, not knowing the language or culture still does. That is how surprises can just be flung at you at any moment and you just gotta go with it. I learned a lot in Italy, but I took those skills to Morocco and they developed even more so. From independence and learning how to find my own way in Italy, to complete heavy dependence in Morocco (because it's not safe for a woman to travel on her own, but in Italy it's ok) I learned a lot.
 |
| Entrance gate of the Fez Medina |
I came here promising myself to not have any international student friends because of the lack of the opportunity to have a host family. Realizing that Ifrane is Ifrane, and that it is a town not representative of the rest of Morocco, I had to travel on weekends. Yeah traveling is amazing, it's fun and wonderful to be able to see all these things. But that's just it, it's just seeing, not experiencing. And that is what I mean by when I say I've been so much happier in my last month here because I've been on my own, and have been experiencing more things. No matter if my friend group changed, or if my routine changed. It was all the same. The only difference was that I began to do more on my own.
It's the difference between just observing that the Moroccan tea is important, versus learning HOW to pour it, and HOW it's made. The difference between when I'm with other foreigners, Moroccans will make more of a conscious effort to speak English to us. But if it is just me, much more French and Darija goes flying around and across the room. I am by no means capable of speaking French or Darija fluently, but I've learned more words and been able to comprehend more in this past month than my entire semester here. You know why? Because I isolated myself. I took myself out of the problem that I saw myself in where I found myself stuck, and I continued my life in morocco as independently as possible that I, as a female and a foreigner, could.
That's another thing I've really learned to appreciate. My rights as a woman in the United States. Being here in Morocco I've really learned to appreciate my rights and what society says is "right versus wrong" in the States. There is so much pressure and judgement placed on women. It seems to be a two faced society struggling to meet in the middle between tradition and western globalization. Morocco is a religious country, meaning it's laws are based on the Quran. But at the same time, it's a country that is trying to move forward and become Westernized.
I really don't understand how they plan or expected this to work. Many parts of tradition put women on a pedestol but at the same time, the wealthy class here is educating their women and directing and training them to go into the business world, yet there is no business work opportunities for women here. Essentially they are preparing them to leave the country and go work in the Western countries. But still, as these women are born, raised, and grow up here, they are taught the laws and traditions of the Quran, but at the same time told to work (which is a male thing). In their education systems they are being put in a Western mindset, or at least that is what the university tries to do. But it's just like at my school, an "American" school. Students come here, and for many of them it's their first time on their own, so they go crazy. I mean, colleges in the United States are the same, but here it's to another level. I say this because children grow up being traditional, and the moment they come to live away from their parents, they can take off their veil and dress to the other extreme. I swear, in the beginning of the semester when it was still summer, I've never seen some women dress as revealing as I did here on my campus in Ifrane. More than even my own liberal arts college in the States. That really shocked me. And just like any other college students going to live away for their first time, students start drinking and smoking etc. The only difference is, that here it is illegal to smoke and drink. If you are a good Muslim, which everyone technically should be and Morocco's laws are religious laws, you should not be doing these things. However these things are accessible because Morocco does have tourists and they can't stop foreigners from getting these things if they want. But if a Moroccan gets caught with large portions of alcohol, he or she could get arrested. I've had to go with my Moroccan friends before to buy alcohol and carry it all myself, so that they would not get arrested. Ridiculous. It's a two faced society.
Men can sleep around, but noo the moment a woman does, society judges her and she denies that it happened, because "if her father found out he would kill her. If he found out she had a boyfriend he'd kill her". And often times women don't want to give in unless there is some form of security. So what is there? So many men end up agreeing to be in relationships and some even throwing out the words "I'll marry you one day" just so he can get in her pants. And women take these things seriously and sometimes believe it. Then they give it up, and they are immediately "A bad Muslim" and society judges them. So they deny it. A lot of things here in society contradict each other, where tradition meets Western globalization. It's a place that seems to be struggling with its own identity.
Does globalization mean losing a country's culture? This is an issue that I've never thought about because I've primarily traveled to Europe and parts of Asia, and within Canada and the States, where everything is Westernized. They are the definition of Western. And I realized that these places don't deal with the same issues that Morocco does, because firstly their laws are not religious, but mostly because being modern and western is part of their culture. Take the States for example, it is a new nation built from scratch. What culture did it even have to lose from the beginning? What tradition? I've never thought about this, but being here has really made me realize the effects of globalization.
 |
| Sunrise in the Pre-Sahara |
When you study abroad you have a university as a home base. You have the opportunity to make friends that are local people, and you have the opportunity to put yourself in the middle of it, immerse yourself, and fully experience the culture of Morocco. Take advantage of that. Traveling every weekend is not experiencing anything, it's just being a tourist. Yes being a tourist can be fun and you do see a lot, but doesn't mean you learn anything, or comprehend it. It's like the tea. You can observe that it is important as people will serve it to you everywhere, but you don't understand it. Understanding it comes from immersing yourself and you would learn how it is made and how in Moroccan culture people were raised and taught how to pour it in a specific way to form the bubbles, You would even learn to pour it yourself.
This semester, despite my first rough two months, and despite the fact that I hate being a woman and a foreigner here (because that limits me and made me become dependent on so many people that I knew I could not depend on), I still learned a lot. Being dependent on Moroccans just because they are Moroccans and can speak the language or because some are men (good for safety), I learned to be flexible, because you should never rely on other people.But here in Morocco you really are a bit helpless if you are both a woman and a foreigner. You're stuck. Also people here have no sense of time and are terrible at planning things. So it was hard to depend for that reason as well. But I think the sense of time thing is just an all Mediterranean thing.
I've always generally been an independent person. I did not become more independent here. Morocco put me in the complete opposite situation and I learned to go with it. Having to rely on others especially when sometimes they were not reliable, I learned to just go with the flow more, and to not let disappointment get to me. Plans are just plans and things can change and you just go with it. Morocco has forced me to become more lax about everything because when you are forced to depend on a Moroccan because of a language barrier or just safety because I'm "weak and vulnerable" as a woman, you have absolutely no control of anything. I learned to not have any sense of control, and adjusted to it.
I already learned flexibility in Italy. I was in a new place on my own for a year in a place where hardly anyone spoke English and although being a woman in Italy doesn't really limit you, not knowing the language or culture still does. That is how surprises can just be flung at you at any moment and you just gotta go with it. I learned a lot in Italy, but I took those skills to Morocco and they developed even more so. From independence and learning how to find my own way in Italy, to complete heavy dependence in Morocco (because it's not safe for a woman to travel on her own, but in Italy it's ok) I learned a lot.
 |
| Panorama of Chefchaouen |
Monday, December 1, 2014
Thanksgiving Day, Weekend Field Trip, and Less Than a Month Left...
Thanksgiving Day: November 27th
I went back Thursday morning and it was a different nurse. He tried to look in my ear and he couldn't even find it. Worse, is that I kept asking them if it was there, and if he could find it. I even asked him in French. I received no response. He just walked away and left me in the room on the bed and I waited for fifteen minutes. I decided to get up and find out what was happening on my own and I went out into the waiting room and looked over to the adjacent office and found the nurse just minding his business at his desk. After waiting another five more minutes in the waiting room I got to the woman at the front desk and she just told me that he was unable to find it and that it is absolutely necessary for me to go into Fez and see a specialist.
I cannot explain my frustration with these nurses on campus. The first one finds it and stabs my ear. The second can't even find it the next after it is supposedly moved a bit and should be easier to take out. What idiots....
Anyways, I threw a fit because I had planned on staying on campus working all day. I had a paper and a report and presentation to prepare. But I had no choice. I left Ifrane at around 2 pm with a bus provided by the University and a translator came with. It only took about 45 minutes to get into Fez but even though we got there in time, we ended up waiting two hours or so to see a doctor. And he just took it right out no problem, He looked into a microscope, found it, and pulled it out without stabbing my ear. I was so grateful to have my hearing back!
That was what I was most thankful for that day. I had gone nearly 30 hours of being deaf in my left ear and I had never appreciated things as simple as that. You know when you get sick and you appreciate you being able to breathe out of your nose? I felt that, but with my ear, and every other sense I have. I thankful for being able to hear, and for being a functional healthy person. I'm incredibly thankful for my family and friends back home, and my family and friends that I've made all around the world that have supported me through everything. I'm incredibly thankful for my supportive and loving mother who gives me every opportunity I could ever dream of. She let me come to Morocco even though she was beyond terrified for my safety over here. I am alive and well, and I could not be more thankful for everything and everyone in my life, but also the simple things such as being a healthy human.
I could go on about how thankful I am about numerous things. I am an incredibly fortunate person.
Anyways, after he took the cotton out, I was extremely relieved and thankful that I could hear again. On our way back to Ifrane I was hungry so the bus driver took me to Mcdonalds. It was a long but productive day well worth it and I got two burgers. I don't really ever eat Mcdonalds in the States, bu sometimes being abroad does that to you I realize. You miss things as "American as it can get", or the closest thing you can find to food you would be able to find at home, and you resort to eating things even such as disgusting fast food because you can be certain of what it is and it's quality, when other foods in your current traveling environment can be pretty questionable. More so than Mcdonalds. So that was my thanksgiving. Realizing how lucky I am to be a healthy person and I was thankful for my sense of hearing. And I celebrated on my own with my bus driver by eating Mcdonalds. Cheers!
November 28-30th
Friday morning it snowed. Not a lot, but not little. But there was news that it would be getting worse, so there were reports saying not to travel for the weekend. I attended my morning classes like normal. For my afternoon class, African Popular Culture, it was cancelled because we had a field trip to Casablanca to eat at a Senegalese restaurant. I wasn't sure if we were still going to go because of the weather, but we did anyways. About half of my class (primarily exchange students) showed up. We met at the University's front gate and took a just short of a four hour bus ride. We arrived at our hotel at checked in. It was already late in the evening, so a group of us just went exploring around the neighborhood and looked for a nearby restaurant. We found a decent tapas place.
Saturday morning our professor took us to a cafe for coffee but no breakfast. We had to make sure we would be hungry for our Senegalese lunch. While waiting for our noon reservation to roll around we explored with our professor (an American who has been living and working here for the past twenty years) who gave us a tour of the area. He knew everything about the place, the history of the market, where any shop of any kind was located, different kinds of food and quality and where they could be found. You name it.
 |
| Flowers in the Market |
 |
| Found some Lizards in the Market (alive and dead....) |
 |
| Casablanca-The city of white houses |
We ate our infamous Senegalese lunch. I had a dish called Mafi. Which is a rice dish with beef and a spicy peanut sauce. It was bombbb. Although one of my classmates who is from Senegal who came along said it was only alright. Whatever, I was happy, and my stomach was full all day.
That afternoon a bunch of us set out on a mission to find a grocery store. We ran our own errands (Ifrane is super small and you need to go to a city to find a lot of things you may need) and I got shampoo, wine, and cheese. Yeah, I know what's important..
 |
| Alcohol here is sold in a separate room called the Alcohol cave. It is in the grocery stores but is separate because it closes and locks at 8:30 pm. I like that it's called the Alcohol cave haha |
Here are some pictures of exploring the medina, some small food shops and gift shops
That night we went out to dinner in our won small groups just based on what we wanted to eat. I was content being able to go to this small Italian restaurant and having a taste of home. I went to it the last time I was in Casablanca with my friend who took me so I knew it was good. Afterwards we headed back and pretty much spent the rest of the evening drinking our bottles of wine together and going to the bar next door to the hotel. It was a loud bar with some interesting people watching. It was a good night.
Sunday morning was a bit of a struggle. We couldn't find much food open before 9 am, and since our bus was planned to leave at 9 am, my roommate and I left with just juice and coffee and a croissant in our stomachs.
The bus ride home was quick and smooth. 40 minutes before arriving to Ifrane we stopped and got lunch. I got a meatball tajine which was delicious but so filling I couldn't finish it.
When we got to Ifrane it was pouring rain and depressing. I immediately had to start on all of my homework. I missed a full work day on Thursday, and I got nothing done over the weekend. Sunday night was stressful then I ended up feeling a bit sick. I think I ate too much. So I just gave up and went to bed at a decent time. No all night that night.
Today: Monday December 1st
It's Monday now. Still working on the paper that was due today. I got an extension to tomorrow. I'm off to work on it. But I'll try to post again soon. I'm working on the last of my last bunch of midterms. Then we have finals coming up in two to three weeks. I'm a bit overwhelmed with schoolwork and all, and realizing that I have less than a month here. I fly out the 22nd...
I don't want to leave. As excited as I am for my winter break plans (I will be flying directly out of Casablanca into Milan to spend a week with my Italian family for Christmas, then flying out of Milan to Taipei to spend about two weeks with my boyfriend for new years. SO EXCITED!) I've really just begun to fall in love with Morocco. As much as I hate my university, AUI (for numerous reasons), I've just started fulling comprehending things and feeling comfortable with myself here. I mean, I'm generally always a person comfortable in my own skin, but being in Morocco as a foreigner, and as a female is a extremely different situation. I've learned a lot about myself and a lot more of the culture in the past few weeks here since being on my own than I have my entire semester here. And I don't want to leave. I'm actually comfortable here. It's not just saying oh yeah I live here, i studied abroad here, others are being tourists. I actually feel like I will leave Morocco feeling like it was a true home. I understand more than before, and enough of myself being here, and the culture that I can comfortably call this a home. I don't want to leave.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)